dubiouslog

I’ve been feeling really depressed as of lately. My housemates won’t let me use the table, so I cannot draw nothing but sketches on my legs, which means that I cannot make illustrations for school, which means that I’m behind with my classes, which means that I’m getting more and more worried. I really tried to draw on my legs, but my back acts up after about thirty minutes. I need to buy a foldable table, but I also need help to carry it home, and people is busy, not their fault.

I don’t want to be with my housemates anymore, they won’t understand that being sociophobic is not something I can overcome by just being with people, and even like this I’m not the talkative type anyway. They think I’m just being an asshole to them while I just don’t find anything to talk about with them. Plus, I don’t want to be in the same room with them because they’re always smoking, doing drugs or cooking smelly stuff. Strong smells make me sick. I need to move alone, but this takes time. Plus the laptop is still under repair so I can’t work on websites or talk with friends as often as I want, and without a computer I can’t look for houses either.

Plus I won’t be able to see Jacopo for another two weeks. :<

BUT BUT BUT

the ep with Volkner and Flint has been announced for February 25 and I’M SO HAPPY
I just want to see them together doing stuff and teasing each other and I want to hear their voices and asfghjkasdl
The best part is that I know that even if I find them to be a bit different from how I imagine them to be I’m not going to be disappointed :D I just have fun shipping them and love their characters, that’s it

This also comes at just the right time, since I was already planning to make a shrine for them. It’s about a whole year I’ve been wanting to make a website about them and I’ve been working on it behind the scenes, but I was never satisfied with the result. It never seemed to live up to my expectations, yet I wanted to make something for them SO badly. After all, they are the only shipping I ever supported.
Then there was something that gave me the kick I needed to get started and finish everything with a strict deadline…which happens to fall after February 25, so I’ll have enough time to make the layout with a screencap from the episode and put a screencap gallery online and and and 8D

Talking about shrines, I’ve been playing Riviera: The Promised Land again. The idea was to write down Serene’s lines and make a shrine to her, but while I was playing I discovered that my favorite character in that game is really Malice. So…expect something about her in the near future. She really is a very interesting character.
The website will be named “No Future” and the layout will use this wonderful artwork of her. I still have to decide if I want this website to be a shrine or a fanlisting plus shrine.

Have a meme. Stolen from Irene, but since she skipped some questions I looked for the original and answered to some of the ones she left out, then followed her template, then got bored.

1. One of your scars, how did you get it?
   I got a cross-like scar in the middle of my forehead by running into the edge of a wall corner when I was three. My grandfather used to say we were similar because we both had a cross-like scar, but he got his in WWII…nevertheless, he used that as an ice-breaker to tell his life story when I was eleven, after about sixty years of silence. This scar now means a lot to me, as you can imagine.
2. What is on the walls in your room?
   A Super Metroid poster. Only that, because my roommate sucks. In the future I want to cover the walls with paper so I can draw on them.
3. What does your cell phone look like?
   It’s an old white and blue Nokia, that model everyone seems to have. It works just fine, so I’m not changing it.
4. Do you snore, grind your teeth, or talk in your sleep?
   You can barely hear me breathing in my sleep.
5. What type of music do you listen to?
   Any and every kind, but I seem to have a predilection for metal and alternative.
6. Do you know what time you were born?
   3 AM. The night I was born, it was snowing.
7. What do you want more than anything right now?
   To move in a house alone. I can’t stand my housemates anymore.
8. What do you miss?
   I miss Jacopo, I miss my family :<
9. What is your zodiac sign?
   Pisces. Same for my father, who also jokingly said we both have the typical traits of the sign. Weird.
10. What is your most prized possession(s)?
    Probably my paintbrushes, or that Absol plushie I always keep on the table, or that 15-years-old Super Metroid poster, or the Isaac Clarke figure.
11. How tall are you?
    168cm/5′5”. Can I stop growing now please?
12. Do you get claustrophobic?
    Not really, just in my nightmares.
13. Do you get scared in the dark?
    I actually like darkness. Not complete darkness, though. That’s really annoying, I always end up walking into chairs or tables or walls and getting freaked out XD
14. The last person to make you cry?
    Jeel. But that’s really because I can get oversensitive at times, not really your fault, man.
15. What’s your worst fear?
    Losing the ones that I love and losing my hands. Uh…for drawing, I mean.
16. What kind of hair/eye color do you like on the opposite sex?
    Any kind of long hair makes me melt. Same for green eyes.
17. Where can you see yourself proposing?
    In the most random place you can think of. Maybe as I cross a road. I AM THAT WAY.
18. Coffee or energy drink?
    Coffee, but I’m very specific on how I want it. It must be highly caffeinic, very bitter, aromatic, not sour in the least, with no sugar, served in a very little cup, and espresso only. and before someone says it NO I’M A BIGGER COFFEE NERD THAN GODOT.
    HE DRINKS ESPRESSO IN A MUG
    A MUG
    HERESY
19. Who is the last person you made mad?
    Either my parents or Jeel. It happens way too often.
20. Favorite pizza topping?
    Speck or arugula or both. :>
21. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
    haha, now I want a speck and arugula pizza
    or sushi
    or two fried eggs
    or my mum’s grilled chicken
    AND NOW I’M HUNGRY, THANK YOU SO MUCH
22. Favorite colors of all time?
    The more I paint, the more I love colors…but I guess that my very favorite colors are crimson, blood red and black. And also that deep shade of purplish red that I call Brinstar red, but I think it’s a very dark cerise.
23. Have you ever eaten a goldfish?
    I’m not a cat!
24. What was the first meaningful gift you’ve ever received?
    Thus implying that there are gifts which are…not meaningful? :o
25. Do you have a crush?
    More than one, the biggest of which is on Daevion. Shame on me.
26. Are you double jointed?
    I can dislocate everything in my body at will, which really helps in making me look even more of a freak.
27. Favorite clothing brand?
    I will buy anything that meets my tastes and is cheap enough; this happens very rarely.
28. Who is your fav female/male celebrity?
    I don’t even know who’s famous right now
29. Do you have a pet right now?
    Sure I wish so.
30. What kind is it?
    An imaginary fennec.
31. Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving?
    It could happen, I hope it never happens.
32. What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you?
    TELLING THEM IN THE WEIRDEST WAY YOU CAN IMAGINE
    like
    “hey this was a nice meal wasn’t it? by the way you are a very important person to me and I hope for you to have a long and interesting life, look at the crow down there, isn’t it a nice crow?”
33. Blondes or brunettes?
    They can both be sexy.
34. What annoys you most?
    Boring, self-centered people.
35. Favorite quote?
    I’m not one for quotes. If I’m quoting something, it’s almost always a meme I have with someone, usually Jacopo. And we have more memes than we can count on all our fingers.
36. Favorite place?
    I love restaurants
    now laugh
37. Have you been out of the USA?
    I guess this question should be rewritten for me as “have you been out of Italy”, and the answer would be yes, but just for a few hours and just a few miles beyond the border (talking about Switzerland here).
38. Your weaknesses?
    I try too hard to establish a “tough” persona for myself while I let people stomp all over me without a single objection, I procrastinate too much, I’m either too soft or too hard with myself while I set sky-high standards for people, I’m very insecure, I’m clingy, I’m sociophobic and I lack consistency.
39. Do you think everyone out there has a soulmate?
    Unless you’re a very very very very weird person, yes.
40. If you could get plastic surgery, what would it be?
    I’d never ever get plastic surgery unless it was for a broken nose or something like that.
41. What were you just doing?
    Browsing stuff in an Internet Point.
42. What do you get complimented about most?
    My boobs. Not kidding.
43. What would you do if alcohol became illegal?
    Be weirded out, but I really don’t drink, so.
44. What do you want for your birthday?
    A certain album, for a certain another album to come out and a t-shirt of that band
    really though if that album came out the day of my birthday I could die happy
45. How many kids do you want and their names?
    DO NOT WANT
46. Were you named after anyone?
    My grandmothers. XD
47. What is one thing you liked about high school?
    Having a friend sitting beside me :<
48. What kind of shampoo do you use?
    I always change it.
49. Do you like your handwriting?
    It’s actually beautiful to look at, but it’s also impossible to read.
50. What is your favorite lunch meat?
    My mom’s grilled chicken. Told you
51. Any bad habits?
    I tear off my lips, my tongue and the inside of my cheeks when I’m nervous. And I’m a procrastinator.
52. Are you a jealous person?
    Usually not.
53. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
    This question makes no sense at all!
54. What is your most embarassing CD on the shelf?
    The Sims 2, because it shows that I like playing with dolls.
55. Do you agree with friends with benefits?
    It’s just an excuse to get everything you want from people and never grow up.
56. Do looks matter?
    I’m not sure. If I were with a beautiful person which was butt-ugly on the outside, would I still be with them? I’d probably start to like their looks too.
57. How do you release anger?
    I never need to. I’m never really angry.
58. Would you rather gain 58 pounds or lose 58 pounds?
    Gain 58 pounds of muscle, absolutely.
59. What’s your main goal in life?
    Living. :>
60. What was your favorite toy as a child?
    I had a lot of favorites. There were the dinosaur figures, especially the parasaurolophus which was named “The Evil One” and was the main villain in all my games. He had two henchmen, a cheetah and a hippo. The cheetah was smart and fast, the hippo was really stupid. Then there were the Polar Bear and her two sons, who were often kidnapped; the heroes were lions and penguins. I also had this plush penguin named Pablo and a plush parrot which I liked a lot. Come to think of it, I had a whole alternate universe going on there.
61. How many numbers are in your cell phone?
    Ten or twenty. Not a lot.
62. Do you use sarcasm?
    Only sometimes.
63. Mashed potatoes or macaroni and cheese?
    Mashed potatoes, I hate cheese in my pasta. And I don’t even like for my potatoes to be mashed.
64. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
    Why should I look for something.
65. What are your nicknames?
    Everyone calls me Rosy, and as Cercatesori put it, “dubiousdisc is the most ignored nickname ever”.
66. Favorite super power?
    I want the power to make everything I can imagine real.
67. What are your favorite TV shows?
    tee-vee?
68. What’s the best way to deal with your enemies?
    If they’re like fictional baddies, beat’em up. If they’re real life enemies, come back at them when they less expect it.
69. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
    Chocolate, but I’m very specific on this one too; it must be bitter and strong, not milky.
70. Do you have all your fingers and toes?
    FOR LUNCH.
71. Do you have a computer in your room?
    BOOO-HOOOOOOOO MY POOR LAPTOP PLEASE RETURN
72. Plans for tonight?
    Wish I had. :(
73. Where do you want to live when you are older?
    IN BELGIUM, HAHA
    or just in Varese, really.
74. What are you listening to?
    I’mma charging my player
75. How many wisdom teeth do you have?
    Three.
76. Last thing you drank?
    tap water
77. Last person you talked to on the phone?
    Jacopo, of course
78. The first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
    The way they walk and their hair.
79. What do you like to do in your spare time?
    Talk with people, draw, lose my time on the Intertubes, eat
    lately eating has become more of a hobby D:
80. Favorite thing to hate?
    Stuck-up people on the web.
81. Favorite season of the year?
    winter
82. What’s your favorite type of candy?
    do liquorice roots count as candy?
83. Have you ever really and truly had a best friend?
    I could count a few.
84. What is your hair color?
    Brown, just a tiny bit on the reddish side
85. Eye color?
    Dark brown.
86. Shoe size?
    40/41, my name is bigfoot
87. Favorite fast food place?
    Fast foods suck, unless you’re talking about kebabs, but I really spend so much time eating in them that you’d hardly call them fast foods.
88. Favorite restaurant?
    The Chiyoda :D
89. Do you like sushi?
    FUCK YES.
90. Watch TV today?
    hahahahahahah
91. Play any musical instruments?
    I used to play the guitar and the piano, now I just sing when I can.
92. Republican or democrat?
    Neither of them, I don’t recognize myself in any party though I’m very much of a leftist and in the end everyone knows I’m a communist at heart.
93. Kisses or hugs?
    HUG ME
    HUG ME
    PLEASE
94. What was the last thing you bought?
    Pizza and tiramisu yesterday :>
95. Would you ever be a housewife?
    If I could not work I wouldn’t, of course, but I wouldn’t care about the house either, so…XD
96. What book are you reading?
    I’ve been reading a lot of comics as of lately, and now I’m re-reading them
    and again and again and again
    my laptop is not here
97. Describe your love life.
    I’ve had a boyfriend for a few months once, then Jacopo. I breaked up with him once, but we ended up together again a few months after that. He’s really the best guy I could imagine myself with, wish I could spend more time with him.

by the way this is the first entry to be tagged BOTH “oh god no” and “yesz”