dubiouslog

A tale of rebellious bikes

( April 23, 2010 - 1:21 pm, filed under personal, tagged as , )

So, yesterday I decided that I had spent way too much time sitting behind a laptop, yet I was lacking a good reason to get out of the house. Other than training my Pokémon, but just walking around with nowhere to go is even more boring than sitting on my ass. Then I remembered about my sister’s old bike which she doesn’t use anymore since my parents bought her a bigger one. Good. So I went to check on it and wash it and this sort of things. I tried it, and it looked in pretty good shape.

Things took an unexpected turn when I was riding down a slope at considerable speed and heard a weird metallic noise from the rear wheel. I braked to check on that; what I couldn’t know was that the problem was exactly the rear brake. It doesn’t take a fervid imagination to imagine what happened next. The second after braking, I was flung into the air for a few meters and then into the ground. After that, I realized my glasses were sent flying off my face as well and were now lying broken a meter away from me. Then I noticed I couldn’t move my right arm. My first reaction was to go wtf at what just happened because seriously, I get on a bike for no more than five minutes and I end up breaking my glasses and an arm? Then I noticed that the arm didn’t hurt a lot and that I could more or less move it, albeit the elbow felt weirdly loose compared to the other one. I guess it was just a momentary shock thing.

A passerby helped me get back up and seeing my backwards arm suggested to bring me to the hospital. Haha, if I can still turn it like that it definitely means it’s fine. I retrieved what was left of my glasses, brought that stupid bike back and waited for my parents to get back to see what could be done with those glasses. In the meanwhile, I experienced the world of Very Bad Myopia and almost disinfected my wounds with pure alcool because I couldn’t tell the bottles apart. Lucky me they have a different smell.

When my mom got back she brought me to see what could be done for the glasses. The optician was very nice, he kept his shop open past after the closing time only to fix my glasses :D in the end I got a new pair which also looks nicer than the one I had before and won’t break that easily. My arm doesn’t hurt anymore and my wounds are nothing terrible.

What I learned yesterday:

  • I am more or less unbreakable.
  • My glasses, however, are not.
  • I am lucky that glasses have already been invented because without them I wouldn’t be able to see my own feet.
  • There are some pretty nice people around.
  • I could as well be riding a donkey.

4 comments

Spontaneously weaving stories

( April 8, 2010 - 11:40 pm, filed under personal, tagged as , , )

Yesterday, I was about to have a dream involving Daevion (who, for those who are synthonizing right now on this station, is one of my original characters and the one I’m fondest of). Too bad my mom had to wake me up before really getting to do anything; the last thing I saw was his face very close to mine; “I will be back soon”, he whispered.

He kept his word. This morning, I had the most incredible dream of my life.

It began in one of those beautiful roads in the woods, like those where are filmed tv spots for cars and the like. And I was no car and there was no one else around, but I was going to a place in these woods where I would have met someone interesting. So, I glided on the asphalt to reach my destination. For some reason I touched my right boob, and it fell off. Right. I managed to recover it, but at that point it was no longer a boob, but a very large yellow balloon and I couldn’t even push it under the shirt to begin with. Well, whatever, silly balloon boob. I just let it fly away and kept going where I was going. The boob grew back in place as I was flying, so that weird amazon feeling didn’t last too long.

I reached this hole in the road that was more or less shaped like a vagina, with the inner part being rock walls. The walls were six or seven meters tall. They looked fake, like they were made in papier-mache. Other than just looking fake they were also purple, so well, I guess it was more than an impression. Perched on the wall there was a man who began to give me chase as soon as he noticed my presence. I thought he was going to rape me or something like that.I began climbing the wall with him following me. In the beginning he didn’t really have any recognizable facial features except of looking sort of like a Gligar, but as he kept trying to catch me he gained more and more details until I realized who he was.
Daevion.

The walls and the hole disappeared and we were now standing on the road. He said something, but I wasn’t listening because I was too amazed by the fact he was actually there and that, if everything would have gone well, I would have had my chance to spend some time with him. I mean, it was like meeting that actor you’re obsessed with on your way home. Except that Daevion is imaginary, so it’s not like I will ever be able to see him when awake.

“I told you I would have been back, didn’t I?” He said, smiling “I realize how incredible all of this must be for you right now, and I don’t want to kill the moment, but always keep in mind that everything in this dream is a product of your imagination. Me included. So, anything could happen from here now”.
“Don’t go. Not this soon”.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere for a while”.

Then Alice appeared. Yes, the one from Alice in Wonderland. The fact that I’ve seen the movie very recently may have something to do with that, but still. She said she fell into my head and had to slay several monsters created by my imagination to get out, and she needed help. Daevion and I agreed to help. The first monster was found near a sea, so we began walking.

During the journey, Alice turned out to be pretty talkative and seemed to get along with Daevion. I lacked her verve, so I felt kind of left out and a bit jealous, although it was nice only listening to Daevion talk because he had such a deep, soothing voice. After a while we reached a shack by the sea, and we got in to ask for food before the battle. Inside the shack there were a lot of people eating together around a large wooden table, among which the Mad Hatter, a baby and Sheila. I went straight to the Mad Hatter and whispered to him in the ear to please flirt with Alice or something of the sorts because I didn’t want her to interact with Daevion in my place, and he was glad to help. Anyway, we sit at the table and talk and such. Sheila, who in this dream was a mercenary (she was wearing an army uniform, which looked rather nice on her), offered to give her help for Alice’s quest.

After that, the Hatter brought everybody to have some fun at the Stairs Waterfalls. These were a set of yellow stairs as tall as a building with each step being tall like a person with water flowing from the top. The baby fell down the stairs, but no one seemed to care. Everyone had fun playing on these huge steps in the water.

In the end, Alice, Sheila, Daevion and I went to the shore to fight the first monster. A huge half-mecha octopus rose from the green sea into the red sky. Alice was terrified by it, she said I had a sick imagination or something like that. I must say, I actually liked that thing, it had all those steel tentacles and looked pretty badass. Daevion told me to remember that, in the same way I created this thing, we could also destroy it with my help, but did I want to destroy something that I thought to be so awesome? Even though I didn’t really want to I ended up agreeing, so Sheila called some buddies on helicopters and everyone took down the mecha octopus. After the battle, I remember pointing to a huge moon that appeared in the sky and Daevion said that it was the least I could do, leaving me puzzled.

So, everyone went to do whatever they pleased, so Daevion brought me to a beautiful balcony with these white cubes where to sit on and a white city underneath it. We finally began to talk.

“The only one missing in this dream is Hydride, it seems” I said to break the ice.
“Maybe he’s the final boss”.
“It would fit with him, true”. Awkward silence. “There is something I wanted to ask you”.
“Let’s hear”.
“I was wondering how you feel knowing to be my creation…if the treatment I give you is fair. It’s something that has been bothering me for a while now”.
“I am part of your mind”, he answered, “and as such, I feel flattered that among your many creations you hold me in such a special place. You don’t have to worry about me, your worries are enough on their own”.
“So you don’t feel treated like a toy?”.
“Do I look unhappy about this right now? You don’t have to worry. You already have enough problems with other people, so I want for you to always feel at your ease with me, as a part of yourself. Solving your own problems is not going to be easy, but at least you can fall back on your imaginary world - and on me. But don’t forget to live in the real world just because I’m here”.

I hugged him so tight and his hair felt like feathers. Then he pointed at the sky: there were several giant full moons. “See? This is what you’re capable of doing!”. He stood up, grabbed me by the ankles and lifted me above his head spinning and laughing, which terrified me because my head was now at about four meters from the ground and it was too much - yet he kept laughing,lifting me even higher. I began to scream, then I fainted from the fear. During that time, I wasn’t really completely unconscious; it was more like when you’re about to fall asleep and you see pictures behind your eyelids. I feared I was about to wake up, so I screamed his name on the top of my lungs, so loud I thought I had screamed outside of the dream and that people had heard me.

When I got back, Daevion was still there. “Why, welcome back! I thought you were actually going to wake up. Glad to see you’re still here”. We began to walk, then something hit me on the back of the head and I fell unconscious.

I woke up in a bunker. There was a female furry character with her fur completely black, the head of a bear and eyes and mouth which were actually holes filled with ropes of slime. She had a machine gun, and commanded me to move on. Then her mate arrived - it was a young man with a gracile body, dirty, shoulder-length brown hair and a very pointy nose. “You look cute” I said “It’s weird that I created you to be like this”. He then turned over, looked at the girl and they both cursed, saying they got the wrong person. So they let me go out, where Daevion was waiting for me. But I felt my time was over, so I said him goodbye and thanked him for everything.

Tomorrow I’m going to draw the scenarios and characters I saw in this dream to fix them forever.

5 comments

Best birthday ever

( March 5, 2010 - 10:50 pm, filed under none of the above, personal, tagged as , )
  1. DP166
  2. Everyone gave me very beautiful and meaningful presents
  3. I just found out there is a demo from the new album from Thurisaz and it’s so amazing I actually came

10 comments

post-DP166

( March 4, 2010 - 11:29 am, filed under none of the above, personal, tagged as , )

I accidentally exploded in front of the computer.

Edit (and a spoiler)

4 comments

so tell me, are you lonely?

( February 28, 2010 - 7:32 am, filed under personal, websites, tagged as , )

I’m sorry! I can’t shut up about Volkner and Flint lately. Even though I can see how someone may want to smack me in the face just to make me stop, you have to understand that I’ve been through some very rough times as of lately and these guys somehow managed to give me the strength and to bring a smile to my face. I feel really thankful towards the people who were involved in the making of that episode, and I wish they could know to what extent their work affected my life.

Anyway, I’ve been spending these days working restlessly on the shrine to them. I missed working on a website so much. I never thought I’d ever say this, but when I’ll be finished I’m going to miss working on it as well. This website also made me rediscover one of my passions that I’ve been neglecting in these last few years: writing. How much time has passed since the last time I wrote a long page about something? And what about fan fictions? I don’t even know if people will read them, but at least I’ve had fun writing them, and I think I will keep writing fan fics for this website for a long time. And then I will make some fan comics, too. And at least one AMV; yesterday I’ve come across this song whose lyrics relate very much to their relationship for how I see it and I just have to make something with it. Right now the play count is at…138 D8 if you’re curious, the song is Emptier Still from Dark Tranquillity. One of their “lesser” songs, but I find it to be amazing. Anyway, I’d also like to animate something myself, but that could be too much for me. I should at least try, I don’t know. And then I want to make a figure with them, but I have no idea as for what I could use to make them. I suck at modelling stuff with water, but I’m good with wax-based materials…too bad that most of them never really dry and get covered in dust after a few days. If anyone out there knows what I could use…

I really hope for this website to attract the fans. I really want to exchange mails with other people following my same shipping, since I seem to be the only one caring here. :<

(no one needed this entry to begin with! what am I doing?)

8 comments

shit happens

( February 16, 2010 - 2:29 pm, filed under personal )

Friday
I have to spend the morning at school, in pain.
I have to spend the afternoon in bed, bleeding.

Saturday
Avatar’s still sold out after a month and we have to preorder the tickets for Sunday.
We’d like to go to our usual bar to get a hot chocolate, but there are no more seats.
In another bar, I get a piece of chocolate cake so hard I could actually smash the fork on it with no result.
We end up spending a load of money.

Sunday
I’m being told I’m out of my own house.
There is a terrible argument in the family and many tears are shed.
The tech support calls my mom instead of me, the call ends before my mom could give my phone number. They called to tell the laptop’s ready and wanted to know when they could give it to me. They didn’t call again.

Monday
I take the train and go to the university planning to get the rent papers afterwards.
The class was postponed by a hour. Since at this point I couldn’t do both things, I went for the papers.
The agency didn’t have any papers. I threw away half a day for nothing.
When I got back at Jacopo’s, it was too late to call the other agency to get info about this other house.

Tuesday
I realize there are no classes today. I didn’t notice before because all I had was a photo of the calendar and that point was impossible to decipher.
I end up going anyway to Milan with Jacopo so to spend the morning together and then go home to get those papers.
Jacopo catches an awful flu and we have to run back. He’s currently in bed being miserable.

On Friday, I have an exam. That day, there is a public transportation strike.

3 comments

you talk too much

( January 31, 2010 - 8:54 pm, filed under personal, websites, tagged as , , , , )

I’ve been feeling really depressed as of lately. My housemates won’t let me use the table, so I cannot draw nothing but sketches on my legs, which means that I cannot make illustrations for school, which means that I’m behind with my classes, which means that I’m getting more and more worried. I really tried to draw on my legs, but my back acts up after about thirty minutes. I need to buy a foldable table, but I also need help to carry it home, and people is busy, not their fault.

I don’t want to be with my housemates anymore, they won’t understand that being sociophobic is not something I can overcome by just being with people, and even like this I’m not the talkative type anyway. They think I’m just being an asshole to them while I just don’t find anything to talk about with them. Plus, I don’t want to be in the same room with them because they’re always smoking, doing drugs or cooking smelly stuff. Strong smells make me sick. I need to move alone, but this takes time. Plus the laptop is still under repair so I can’t work on websites or talk with friends as often as I want, and without a computer I can’t look for houses either.

Plus I won’t be able to see Jacopo for another two weeks. :<

BUT BUT BUT

the ep with Volkner and Flint has been announced for February 25 and I’M SO HAPPY
I just want to see them together doing stuff and teasing each other and I want to hear their voices and asfghjkasdl
The best part is that I know that even if I find them to be a bit different from how I imagine them to be I’m not going to be disappointed :D I just have fun shipping them and love their characters, that’s it

This also comes at just the right time, since I was already planning to make a shrine for them. It’s about a whole year I’ve been wanting to make a website about them and I’ve been working on it behind the scenes, but I was never satisfied with the result. It never seemed to live up to my expectations, yet I wanted to make something for them SO badly. After all, they are the only shipping I ever supported.
Then there was something that gave me the kick I needed to get started and finish everything with a strict deadline…which happens to fall after February 25, so I’ll have enough time to make the layout with a screencap from the episode and put a screencap gallery online and and and 8D

Talking about shrines, I’ve been playing Riviera: The Promised Land again. The idea was to write down Serene’s lines and make a shrine to her, but while I was playing I discovered that my favorite character in that game is really Malice. So…expect something about her in the near future. She really is a very interesting character.
The website will be named “No Future” and the layout will use this wonderful artwork of her. I still have to decide if I want this website to be a shrine or a fanlisting plus shrine.

Have a meme. Stolen from Irene, but since she skipped some questions I looked for the original and answered to some of the ones she left out, then followed her template, then got bored.

(more…)

12 comments

OH NO, NOT AGAIN

( January 9, 2010 - 4:26 pm, filed under personal, tagged as , )

HARD DISK BUSTED
AGAIN

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

luckily this time I didn’t lose anything valuable since I had a few backups here and there, but this doesn’t make it any less annoying. I’ve spent these last few days drawing, painting and trying to spend as much time with people as possible. I feel like a Sim with the sociality and entertainment bars near zero struggling to not go crazy :<

so I won’t be around for a week or two.

3 comments

Fear

( December 14, 2009 - 6:19 am, filed under personal, videogames, tagged as )

Tonight I wanted to make fan art for games which don’t receive enough attention. At first I thought about tackling Borderlands or Dead Space, but I ended up with a Xivilai from Oblivion. I have spent about one hour trying to find a dynamic pose for him without messing up the anatomy or going too overboard with perspective, and I got a good starting point for a watercolor painting which I hope to finish later today or maybe tomorrow.

After finishing the sketch, I took a break and wanted to read some books from Oblivion. Some of them are really beautiful. I came across Spirit of the Daedra, which should be a book written by the Daedra themselves. One passage left me amazed:

“We do not die. We do not fear death.
Destroy the Body, and the Animus is cast into The Darkness. But the Animus returns.
But we are not all brave.
We feel pain, and fear it. We feel shame, and fear it. We feel loss, and fear it. We hate the Darkness, and fear it.
The Scamps have small thoughts, and cannot fear greatly.
The Vermai have no thoughts, and cannot fear.
The Dremora have deep thoughts, and must master fear to overcome it.”

I feel better about myself.

no comments

you disaster!

( December 11, 2009 - 3:35 pm, filed under artworks, personal, random, tagged as , , , )

I’ve spent these last few days at Jacopo’s for his birthday. We had an awesome time. Originally, this entry was about what kind of awesome time did we have, but then I noticed that I just can’t blog about my life. It makes me feel stupid. Long story short, we had an awesome time. 8)

Hey look I drew a me. It should be my Pokémon Trainer but really, it’s me. I blame Kate for that.

self-02.jpg

as ridiculous as it may seem, it’s actually a very accurate representation of my person. which also explains why I tend to draw people with weird anatomy when I have no one who can model for me: my whole body is double-jointed. and yes, I can actually do that with my tongue.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO EMBRACE MY FREAKINESS

Last night I had some weird dream. Basically, I was with Jacopo in a medieval city; after visiting a few places, we entered a tree. The inside of the tree was some sort of dark world completely secluded from the outside, which gave us an idea about how to use that to our advantage. You know what happens next. In the middle of it, something happened. When we got out, I realized that from midway to the end I’ve been doing it with Daevion. Then he kidnapped me. Random people tried to rescue me, but Daevion casted all sorts of spells on them and they went away. Jacopo was outside too, and he said that I had to choose between Daevion and him. I answered that he only exists in my imagination, so it was not like I was cheating on him. He said that’s ok, but since we were in my subconscious he was actually real there!
…I’m not sure what does this all mean D: though I was really waiting for Daevion to appear in a dream, I did not want for it to be like this D8 also I’m sort of disappointed that this was such a blurry dream and that I couldn’t get a good look at his face. I wish I could get lucid dreams at will.

6 comments