dubiouslog

This morning I bought a new mouse, but it sucked so much that I ended up opening again the old one to see if there was really nothing that could be done.

TURNS OUT THERE WAS

the component themselves were working, as evidenced by the fact that, once I opened the mouse, I could use the switches to click. The problem was that, since the left button is subjected to a lot of stress when I paint, draw or play, the trasmission part connected to the plastic body had worn out so much that it was pulverized in places and it was no longer reaching the switch. I put some duct tape on it and now it makes contact again :D

WHEEEEEEEEEE

ALSO TONIGHT I MET DAEVION: YESTERDAY WAS A BAD DAY, BUT NOW I’M HAPPY

“and when you will return to the waking world, paint with the colours of the world we created”

Yesterday, I was about to have a dream involving Daevion (who, for those who are synthonizing right now on this station, is one of my original characters and the one I’m fondest of). Too bad my mom had to wake me up before really getting to do anything; the last thing I saw was his face very close to mine; “I will be back soon”, he whispered.

He kept his word. This morning, I had the most incredible dream of my life.

It began in one of those beautiful roads in the woods, like those where are filmed tv spots for cars and the like. And I was no car and there was no one else around, but I was going to a place in these woods where I would have met someone interesting. So, I glided on the asphalt to reach my destination. For some reason I touched my right boob, and it fell off. Right. I managed to recover it, but at that point it was no longer a boob, but a very large yellow balloon and I couldn’t even push it under the shirt to begin with. Well, whatever, silly balloon boob. I just let it fly away and kept going where I was going. The boob grew back in place as I was flying, so that weird amazon feeling didn’t last too long.

I reached this hole in the road that was more or less shaped like a vagina, with the inner part being rock walls. The walls were six or seven meters tall. They looked fake, like they were made in papier-mache. Other than just looking fake they were also purple, so well, I guess it was more than an impression. Perched on the wall there was a man who began to give me chase as soon as he noticed my presence. I thought he was going to rape me or something like that.I began climbing the wall with him following me. In the beginning he didn’t really have any recognizable facial features except of looking sort of like a Gligar, but as he kept trying to catch me he gained more and more details until I realized who he was.
Daevion.

The walls and the hole disappeared and we were now standing on the road. He said something, but I wasn’t listening because I was too amazed by the fact he was actually there and that, if everything would have gone well, I would have had my chance to spend some time with him. I mean, it was like meeting that actor you’re obsessed with on your way home. Except that Daevion is imaginary, so it’s not like I will ever be able to see him when awake.

“I told you I would have been back, didn’t I?” He said, smiling “I realize how incredible all of this must be for you right now, and I don’t want to kill the moment, but always keep in mind that everything in this dream is a product of your imagination. Me included. So, anything could happen from here now”.
“Don’t go. Not this soon”.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere for a while”.

Then Alice appeared. Yes, the one from Alice in Wonderland. The fact that I’ve seen the movie very recently may have something to do with that, but still. She said she fell into my head and had to slay several monsters created by my imagination to get out, and she needed help. Daevion and I agreed to help. The first monster was found near a sea, so we began walking.

During the journey, Alice turned out to be pretty talkative and seemed to get along with Daevion. I lacked her verve, so I felt kind of left out and a bit jealous, although it was nice only listening to Daevion talk because he had such a deep, soothing voice. After a while we reached a shack by the sea, and we got in to ask for food before the battle. Inside the shack there were a lot of people eating together around a large wooden table, among which the Mad Hatter, a baby and Sheila. I went straight to the Mad Hatter and whispered to him in the ear to please flirt with Alice or something of the sorts because I didn’t want her to interact with Daevion in my place, and he was glad to help. Anyway, we sit at the table and talk and such. Sheila, who in this dream was a mercenary (she was wearing an army uniform, which looked rather nice on her), offered to give her help for Alice’s quest.

After that, the Hatter brought everybody to have some fun at the Stairs Waterfalls. These were a set of yellow stairs as tall as a building with each step being tall like a person with water flowing from the top. The baby fell down the stairs, but no one seemed to care. Everyone had fun playing on these huge steps in the water.

In the end, Alice, Sheila, Daevion and I went to the shore to fight the first monster. A huge half-mecha octopus rose from the green sea into the red sky. Alice was terrified by it, she said I had a sick imagination or something like that. I must say, I actually liked that thing, it had all those steel tentacles and looked pretty badass. Daevion told me to remember that, in the same way I created this thing, we could also destroy it with my help, but did I want to destroy something that I thought to be so awesome? Even though I didn’t really want to I ended up agreeing, so Sheila called some buddies on helicopters and everyone took down the mecha octopus. After the battle, I remember pointing to a huge moon that appeared in the sky and Daevion said that it was the least I could do, leaving me puzzled.

So, everyone went to do whatever they pleased, so Daevion brought me to a beautiful balcony with these white cubes where to sit on and a white city underneath it. We finally began to talk.

“The only one missing in this dream is Hydride, it seems” I said to break the ice.
“Maybe he’s the final boss”.
“It would fit with him, true”. Awkward silence. “There is something I wanted to ask you”.
“Let’s hear”.
“I was wondering how you feel knowing to be my creation…if the treatment I give you is fair. It’s something that has been bothering me for a while now”.
“I am part of your mind”, he answered, “and as such, I feel flattered that among your many creations you hold me in such a special place. You don’t have to worry about me, your worries are enough on their own”.
“So you don’t feel treated like a toy?”.
“Do I look unhappy about this right now? You don’t have to worry. You already have enough problems with other people, so I want for you to always feel at your ease with me, as a part of yourself. Solving your own problems is not going to be easy, but at least you can fall back on your imaginary world - and on me. But don’t forget to live in the real world just because I’m here”.

I hugged him so tight and his hair felt like feathers. Then he pointed at the sky: there were several giant full moons. “See? This is what you’re capable of doing!”. He stood up, grabbed me by the ankles and lifted me above his head spinning and laughing, which terrified me because my head was now at about four meters from the ground and it was too much - yet he kept laughing,lifting me even higher. I began to scream, then I fainted from the fear. During that time, I wasn’t really completely unconscious; it was more like when you’re about to fall asleep and you see pictures behind your eyelids. I feared I was about to wake up, so I screamed his name on the top of my lungs, so loud I thought I had screamed outside of the dream and that people had heard me.

When I got back, Daevion was still there. “Why, welcome back! I thought you were actually going to wake up. Glad to see you’re still here”. We began to walk, then something hit me on the back of the head and I fell unconscious.

I woke up in a bunker. There was a female furry character with her fur completely black, the head of a bear and eyes and mouth which were actually holes filled with ropes of slime. She had a machine gun, and commanded me to move on. Then her mate arrived - it was a young man with a gracile body, dirty, shoulder-length brown hair and a very pointy nose. “You look cute” I said “It’s weird that I created you to be like this”. He then turned over, looked at the girl and they both cursed, saying they got the wrong person. So they let me go out, where Daevion was waiting for me. But I felt my time was over, so I said him goodbye and thanked him for everything.

Tomorrow I’m going to draw the scenarios and characters I saw in this dream to fix them forever.

I’ve spent these last few days at Jacopo’s for his birthday. We had an awesome time. Originally, this entry was about what kind of awesome time did we have, but then I noticed that I just can’t blog about my life. It makes me feel stupid. Long story short, we had an awesome time. 8)

Hey look I drew a me. It should be my Pokémon Trainer but really, it’s me. I blame Kate for that.

as ridiculous as it may seem, it’s actually a very accurate representation of my person. which also explains why I tend to draw people with weird anatomy when I have no one who can model for me: my whole body is double-jointed. and yes, I can actually do that with my tongue.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO EMBRACE MY FREAKINESS

Last night I had some weird dream. Basically, I was with Jacopo in a medieval city; after visiting a few places, we entered a tree. The inside of the tree was some sort of dark world completely secluded from the outside, which gave us an idea about how to use that to our advantage. You know what happens next. In the middle of it, something happened. When we got out, I realized that from midway to the end I’ve been doing it with Daevion. Then he kidnapped me. Random people tried to rescue me, but Daevion casted all sorts of spells on them and they went away. Jacopo was outside too, and he said that I had to choose between Daevion and him. I answered that he only exists in my imagination, so it was not like I was cheating on him. He said that’s ok, but since we were in my subconscious he was actually real there!
…I’m not sure what does this all mean D: though I was really waiting for Daevion to appear in a dream, I did not want for it to be like this D8 also I’m sort of disappointed that this was such a blurry dream and that I couldn’t get a good look at his face. I wish I could get lucid dreams at will.

30+ IN CONTEMPORARY ART HISTORY FUCK YEAH. Especially because much of this success was determined by me making a large painting inspired from the work of Francis Bacon. The teacher was so impressed he even gave me a free book. So apparently my childish and anatomically impossible drawings are worth a 30+ and a free book. In your ass. :>

Even though I shouldn’t be taking such people too seriously, maybe I should really try and write down my views on art, especially as to why I deliberately choose to draw roughly and mostly ignoring anatomy. It’s not like I’m not able to make beautiful realistic drawings, you know. I just found a bunch of old stuff including a self-portrait I drew at fifteen and man, it does look nice. I’ll be scanning all that old stuff from 2004-2005 - those drawings that got lost with the HD failure and some which went lost ages before that (including the Sneasel pic who graced the very first layout of Angeltower Page). I’m also rescanning my old Pokémon comic whose pages seem to be currently located in the dark side of the interwebs - I even found some unpublished pages, so you may be in for a surprise.

And talking about comics, I’d really like to make another Pokémon comic. I’ve already been planning it out. It will be a comic divided in three or four short episodes each one focusing on a different aspect of the relationship between Pokémon and people.
The first one will take place before Pokémon and people became two different species and it will be about a little girl and his grampa. The old man discovers he can keep his niece’s life energy in a ball he created out of an Apricorn, so they play together with this toy - except that, with the passing of time, the old man becomes more and more scared of his child outgrowing their game, and ends up becoming eerily obsessive…
The second one will take place in the present and will be about a Trainer and a Fearow who fall in love for each other, thus compromising the whole training system and posing some interesting question on their relationship.
The third one will be about a “real world” girl playing Pokémon and getting emotionally attached to the creatures.
I do seem to have a predilection for real weird stuff. In case you were asking. :P

Also, I just got approved for the making of the Fearow fanlisting! Yeah Fearow. It took me a whole ten years to understand its greatness |D Sneasel is sticking to the position of favorite Pokémon ever, then Mewtwo, Porygon-Z and Fearow in no particular order. The fanlisting’s name will be Soaring Dread and it will feature an illustration of mine in the layout. I PROMISE IT’S GOING TO LOOK NICE

As for the new Hall of Changes layout I changed idea three times, then got what looks like my best layout ever. It looks so awesome that I cannot believe it was me to create it. It will feature Samus and the Orion Nebula! What can possibly go wrong? :D

Anyway, this post was really about…ME SINGING KAZE TO ISSHO NI. DUN DUN DUUUN. I would have posted Niji ga Umareta Hi too but the laptop mic wouldn’t record the high-pitched scream at the end which was supposed to show my leet singing skillz. Hahaha. As you will have understood by now, the recording is quite low-quality, but I’m so awesome so it should not be a problem. SARCASM.
Here’s the recording. My voice does sound weird in places but that’s because by the “ikutsomono deai, ikutsumono wakare” I was crying like a baby. Kaze to Issho Ni always gets to me. :<

Let me end this entry with my latest weird dream. Involving me saving a beautiful woman with long fair hair by a number of weird situations throughout some really colorful and detailed worlds. And having hot sex with her afterwards. Ten times. And because this dream was half-lucid, I could make her boobs larger whenever I wanted to. My dreams are, indeed, better than yours. Live with it. XD

Tonight I dreamt about a Platinum subquest involving Team Galactic looking for a rare gem and you as the main character had to unearth it before the commanders could. The gem was long, pink and hard. Then Flint came and rolled all the Galactic commanders and the ground they were standing on into a ball with his bare hands and took the gem. Volkner came too and asked him if he was sure he wanted to take that gem and Flint answered “yeah, as sure as the fact I fucked you today, so it’s 100% sure”

I don’t know what is my subconscious up to. What I do know now is the meaning of the term “brainfucking”.

hay guys, been busy lately. not only because of school, I’m also working on the Hall of Changes. Its completion is already at a very advanced stage, so you’re going to see it finished very soon. This may be the first time I’m actually keeping up with my schedule :O

I wanted to post that anime and manga rant, and I’ll probably do that later, but tonight I had this bizarre dream in which I had downloaded a Metroid animated film. As the movie begun the perspective switched to first person: from then on I was impersonating Samus and saw through her eyes and clearly felt her body, but without any virtual reality apparel.

Samus was going through this religious facility on some planet. It was at dusk and the lights were off, so that the alien metal in which the walls were made was seen in shades of blue. Every room or corridor was completely empty. At some point she got into a large room, looked at the ceiling and saw this round thing covered in red slime, like it was some vent or lamp. All the electronic devices in her suit alerted her of the danger and she shot at it to remove the slime, then she scanned the thing under it with her visor and discovered that its purpose was to control people’s will, making extremely easy for them to be brainwashed as they just needed to hear someone else with a different opinion from their own to agree with them. It was turned off at that moment, probably because of the slime, but it looked like it had been already used a lot.
After this discovery, she went back to her gunship to rest, thinking she would have alerted the Galactic Confederation on the next morning.

When she woke up, she thought it was better to know more about that device before making a faux pas. She went back to the facility and when she got into the large room she was horrified to discover that the device was turned on and the room was filled with children! There were large posters hanging from the walls, each one of them saying that being gay is bad and against God and that if they knew someone was gay they had to report it to the church.
Though the device was turned on, Samus fighted its influence, getting violent as a side effect. She tore apart the posters and asked the children who hanged them, and they told her about a priest who was at that moment visiting people’s houses.
She rushed to that place and found the priest talking with my parents. They weren’t brainwashed, so maybe it was only to let people know his organization was holy and good. Anyway, Samus shouted at the priest saying he was breaking intergalactic rules and he fled away, losing his cape during the escape and revealing he was Ridley with a Mother Brain head. Chasing sequence, Ridley-Brain let Samus know about his evil plan, which had to do with milking the gay out of people to inject it in Metroids. basically using the power of gay to conquer the world. In the end, Samus and Ridley-Brain were on the top of a building; she shot him and he fell down 20 stories, hitting the ground with an explosion. Happy ending with all the children and gay people free to do whatever they please. :D

This movie also had a sequel about which I remember very little, it had probably to do with Ridley-Brain using gay people to catch the children who betrayed him, but I don’t know. I remember visiting some websites which said it was clearly worse than the prequel. haha, bad sequels are bad even in dreams.

Anyway it was really weird, especially because it had a story which somehow made sense. Also I don’t remember having issues with homophobia lately. I don’t really know why Samus should get all enflamed about that either, or why should there be homophobic priests in space. I do remember being very insulted by those posters when I woke up, in any case. >:(

THOUGH YOU MAY THINK IT AFTER READING THIS ENTRY. AND I WOULDN’T BLAME YOU.

Tonight I had the weirdest dream in history. I was in a place which looked a lot like the town where I used to live, except that the city plan was all messed up so that I could recognize most of the buildings, but the zones they were placed in were different from the real ones. Whatever.

So I apparently had to go in a certain place I can’t remember, and I resolved that the quickest way to reach it was by climbing the buildings and jumping on the balconies. I wasn’t very good at that too and I had to climb the same building several times before I could move on. This specific building looked a lot like the one where a childhood friend of mine used to live; even in the dream I knew I had to climb on her balcony, though it was no more on the eleventh floor but on the first, and that made it also look like the building I used to live in. also, now that I think of it, this friend of mine looked a lot like the girl who lived at the first floor in my apartment. wtf.
ANYWAY, I was jumping on another balcony when I looked down and saw a policeman staring at me, along with some people who lived there and wanted to know what the hell was going on. The policeman shouted that if I had to rob someone I could at least care to not do that while everyone was looking (it was 7 pm by that time). I quickly threw one of my spiked bracelets on the street and then went to talk with the policeman, saying something on the lines of “no really I can explain everything, it’s that my bracelet fell down and I was getting it back”. NO PROBLEM AT ALL, SAID THE POLICEMAN. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

After a while I got to a weird wrestling arena which actually did look more like Oblivion’s arena, with blood splattered everywhere. How could I get out of there? Obviously running towards the wrestlers rushing to the arena and getting through the locker room! LOL
The locker room looked like a kindergarten with walls painted in yellow, blue and pink and huge windows from which it entered a lot of sunlight (yes, actually it was somewhere around 8 pm, but I said this was going to be weird). There was a room with a huge door but I chose to get into a children tent and get out crawling through the exit in a garden which actually looked like my sister’s kindergarten’s one. Somewhere in the middle of the process I remembered that I already upset a policeman and didn’t want to get more attention on me, so I got out through that other large door and I found myself in a road from my town which now looked like a Japanese mafia district with all the flashing ads and skyscrapers. Then I decided not to go wherever I was going and to reach the hospital instead.

lol, subconscious. good job.

more about that animation project in next post
also, it actually snowed a lot :O I would have liked to get you some pictures at 6 am when nobody was around but I was too stupid to do that at the right time. I would have taken some great pics. :(